God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
