he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize