Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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