i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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