Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
