you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
