My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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