Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
