I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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