is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
