At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Vodka?
Forever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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