She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize