Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
