Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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