i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
