I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
