I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
