Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
