I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
