Yo dont text me then not text me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize