I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
