Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
