you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You left your phone here
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