Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
