Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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