I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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