I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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