At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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