Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
