you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
