alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
