just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
