There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
