i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
