thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
