Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
