I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
