I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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