I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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