It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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