We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize