It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
