are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
