she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
