Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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