Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
