you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
