I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
