Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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