i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
