Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
