I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
