You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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