Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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