Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize