did you get engaged???
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
