My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
