I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
