Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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