never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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