Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
