His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
