my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
