ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
