Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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