Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
