hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
